Got this as an email forward. Not sure how many are applicable to cycling, but a few made me feel better about my athletic travails.
I’m working as hard as I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything will be perfect.
– Doug Sanders, professional golfer
All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives “See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.”
– Mickey Lolich, Detroit Tigers Pitcher
Last year we couldn’t win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach was that I couldn’t think of anyplace else to play.
– Harry Neale, professional hockey coach
When it’s third and ten, you can take the milk drinkers; I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time.
– Max McGee, Green Bay Packers receiver
I found out that it’s not good to talk about my troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don’t care and the other twenty percent are glad you’re having trouble.
– Tommy LaSorda, LA Dodgers manager
My knees look like they lost a knife fight with a midget.
– E. J. Holub, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker regarding his 12 knee operations
My theory is that if you buy an ice-cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.
– Vic Braden, tennis instructor
When they operated, I told them to put in a Koufax fastball. They did – but it was Mrs. Koufax’s.
– Tommy John N.Y. Yankees recalling his 1974 arm surgery
I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.
– Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles
We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.
– John Breen, Houston Oilers
The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.
– Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints after viewing a lop-sided loss to the Atlanta Falcons
When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.
– Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher
The only difference between me and General Custer is that I have to watch the films on Sunday.
– Rick Venturi, Northwestern football coach
I have discovered, in twenty years of moving around the ball park, that the knowledge of the game is usually in inverse proportion to the price of the seats.
– Bill Veeck, Chicago White Sox owner
Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.
– Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon.
I won’t know until my barber tells me on Monday.
– Knute Rockne, when asked why Notre Dame had lost a game
I tell him “Attaway to hit, George.”
– Jim Frey, K.C. Royals manager when asked what advice he gives George Brett on hitting
I learned a long time ago that “minor surgery” is when they do the operation on someone else, not you.
– Bill Walton, Portland Trial Blazers